A Reluctant Equine Participant – Guest Post by Lindsay Williams

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For quite some months, Tiffany Ashenfelter invited, encouraged and nearly insisted I come to the ranch and learn more about her work doing equine therapy. Though I love animals, and have two cats and a dog at home, I had never been around horses and my eagerness to take her up on this offer was minimal. I kept finding excuses, primarily that I was in my mid-30s and since I hadn’t been near a horse yet, I thought I was past my prime. Simply put, I wasn’t too interested. Even amid hearing the amazing work our shared clients were achieving in equine therapy, I was just fine supporting without first hand experience.

After delaying the inevitable and turning down my talented colleague in the past, my husband and I finally agreed to help Tiffany and her husband Michael with some equine therapy promo material. We arrived on a lovely Saturday evening. I was fully intending on being the helpful coworker who would lend a hand for some photos, but not really engaging in any sort of “real” equine therapy. As we greeted others and began to discuss the evening plans, the idea of having the Ashenfelter’s and their equine team walk us through the typical therapeutic activities was brought up. Everyone agreed this was a grand idea.

I wasn’t so sure because I didn’t really want to do equine therapy.

I didn’t need to build a relationship with my horse. All I was aiming for was keeping my boots clean, my arms looking slender, and my hair photo-worthy amid the Texas humidity. But, approach and bridle a horse. Walk with him or her. Get the horse to trust you. This all sounded a little intimidating and not quite what I had agreed to.

After acknowledging I was a bit anxious and discussing with the other attendees my lack of any sort of history with horses, I was attended to by the team. I was reassured and immediately felt at ease that they were for me and my success and ready to help empower me in the equine therapy work. Soon, we were assigned a horse to approach and connect with. I was given the smallest little guy, Jessie, and I was perfectly happy with it. “It’s just a big dog,” I repeatedly told myself.

I entered Jessie’s space and he allowed me to bridle him before I led him as directed by the therapy team. I spent time petting his mane and back, learning about how his response to me was reflective of my own experience. Jessie and I worked together, alongside my husband and his horse in an easy and comfortable manner. We bonded more than I ever imagined I could with an animal in such a short time. I was surprised at how I felt connected to and protective of “my” horse when we were asked to change horses and work with a new therapeutic equine partner.

As I reflected on why equine therapy went from something I was uninterested in to something I found calming, connecting and insightful, I thought of the relationship with the horse. I went into the experience somewhat anxious and hesitant, and yet while acknowledging those feelings, I acted on my value for relationship. I recognized that amid my uncomfortable feelings, I calmly welcomed the relationship, because it was just that, a relationship.

And relationships are where we learn about ourselves.

My equine therapy experience reminded me I could connect based on the way that I chose to show up, not how my fears enticed me to avoid. The horses were open to me if I was willing to approach them in a safe and unassuming manner. The work provided insights into my personal agency in interactions, awareness of how my feelings sometimes lie to me, and personal satisfaction from acting on my values. And the best is that I was with my husband and all this could easily translate into our marriage relationship.

I would have never guessed all this could come from a few hours with a horse and team of wonderful folks guiding our work together. Equine therapy and working with the Ashenfelter’s was a gift to me as both a colleague and clinician. If you are at all interested in how this work might help you or a client you have, especially if you work with couples, I can’t recommend it enough.

Written by Lindsay Williams, MA, LPC.

Lindsay Williams is an individual therapist for adolescents and adults at Restoration Counseling in Dallas. By encouraging value driven actions within a safe and confidential relationship, her clients gain self worth and personal empowerment.

Lindsay uses DBT skills and practices alongside professional experience with complex family systems, substance use, depression, anxiety, and divorce.

So What is Equine Therapy and Unbridled Way?

“So what exactly is this equine therapy, Unbridled Way thing you’re doing?  I don’t really like horses, I don’t know how to ride horses, I don’t know anything about them, that’s not really my thing…”

As we’ve unveiled our latest ventures, equine assisted psychotherapy (EAP) and our one day marriage intensive, Unbridled Way, these are the types of questions and statements we’ve frequently gotten.  It let us know we had our work cut out for us to show people just what we’re doing out at Jake E’s Riding Round Up that has become my passion.  As some of you may know, I (Tiffany) have spent the last year training and becoming certified as an Equine Specialist. I spend most Mondays out at the ranch seeing clients there doing EAP and it fills my soul!

So, because I believe in it so much and we’re building a whole new intensive on it we needed to showcase what it looks it for people who may have questions or concerns.

Here is a glimpse from our shoot done by the amazing Ren Morrison to give you an idea of what EAP and a day at Unbridled Way looks like with your partner! Our next event is June 24th, spots are still available.

 

 

 

 

 

No horse experience is necessary, we are there every step of the way to help you and keep you safe.

 

Simple exercises can have a huge impact on self-awareness for both those that have spent their lives around horses and those that have never met a horse in their life.  The connection that you can make with your horse that day can be life changing.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Unbridled Way’s innovative approach to couples therapy is designed to help develop awareness of the cycles of disconnection that occur within committed love relationships and is based out of Sue Johnson’s ground breaking Hold Me Tight workshop.

 

 

One of the many benefits of the small group setting is learning you are not alone in these patterns and struggles.

Our next event is Saturday June 24th and we’ve only got 3 spots left so if you want to grab yours don’t wait!  Email us at marriage@ashenfeltercounseling.com

The Pursuit of Happiness

How many times are we told to do what makes us happy or to seek out happiness in our lives, as if it’s an end goal?

Everywhere I look, magazines, commercials, shows, movies, books, media of all kinds and the culture in general all encourage us to seek our own happiness.  It’s even built into the very foundation of our country within the Declaration of Independence, “life, liberty & the pursuit of happiness.” We live in a time and place, where for many of us, it’s incredibly easy to pursue happiness. We can have anything we want delivered to our home within 2 days, if not 1, thanks to Amazon.  Smart phones allow us access to incredible amounts of information and technology with the swipe of our finger. We can easily travel anywhere we want in the world.  How much of what we own was bought pursuing happiness?  And yet statistics show we are more depressed and unhappy than we’ve ever been before.  Our life expectancy has dropped for the first time in decades. Substance abuse and addiction is rampant and killing more people every day.

If the pursuit of happiness is really what it’s all about why are we so unhappy?

How To Be Perfectly Unhappy – The Oatmeal

As a therapist I deal in emotions all the time.  I work to help my clients identify, understand and feel their emotions. This is challenging work because emotions can be very uncomfortable.  We often seek to distract ourselves from our emotions, particularly the negative ones because the intensity of them can be scary.  I often hear clients express a belief that if they go into their emotions and really let themselves feel the pain, sorrow or fear, it’ll never stop. But the truth I always encourage my clients with, to help them take the step forward into their emotions, is that emotions change and they will not last forever. Just because you feel intense sadness, pain or fear in this moment does not mean you will feel it forever.

Eventually you will move through it and feel something else, maybe something like joy, peace, contentment, interest, curiosity, satisfaction…

This is the problem with the pursuit of happiness; happiness is an emotion and emotions don’t last, emotions change from moment to moment, day to day.

When we base our life’s goal on the pursuit of happiness we set ourselves up for failure and a constant seeking for more; which can create a perfect breeding ground for depression, hopelessness and even substance abuse. “This relationship that once made me feel so happy has now gotten hard so maybe it’s no longer “right” for me because I should be happy.”  “I don’t feel happy in my job anymore so I’m going to quit, again.” “I bought this top last week because it made me happy but now I’m shopping again because that feeling faded even though I’m swimming in credit card debt.”

When happiness is all we pursue, we miss out on so many other rich opportunities in our lives to feel and experience.  How to Be Perfectly Unhappy by Oatmeal is a wonderful little comic strip that describes how our definition of “happy isn’t very good, it’s a monochromatic word used to describe a rich, painful spectrum of human feeling.”  We are meant for more than just happiness, our lives are meant to be full of dynamic, deep, meaningful experiences and emotions.  We are meant to find purpose in our lives and live out that purpose.

Living out our purpose doesn’t always make us happy.  It gives us so much more. Come back next week where we’ll explore the power of purpose.

Is It Love or a Red Flag? Warning Signs of an Abusive Relationship

One of the most terrifying things we can ever experience is abuse at the hands of someone who is suppose to love and protect us.  According to the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence, 1 in 3 women & 1 in 4 men have been victims of some form of physical violence by an intimate partner within their lifetime.  I’ve had the unfortunate experience of working with too many women who have found themselves in dangerous relationships.  Many of those women have said they didn’t know how they ended up here.

national-domestic-violence-hotline-big

A great online resource for more info

It’s important to know an abusive relationship doesn’t begin right away nor does it happen in glaringly obvious ways. Continue reading

Reality Check: A Way to Test Your Anxious Thoughts

Anxious Thoughts“How we see it is how it will be.” (Anonymous)
We most often suffer more from what we FEAR than what actually HAPPENS, so it’s important for you to learn how to evaluate what you are thinking. Things always look less fearful when we face them head on vs. running or distracting ourselves into TV, alcohol, food, or work.
Spend some time in your journal with your anxious thoughts, asking yourself these questions:* Continue reading

WHAT Did You Just Say? Communication Differences of Men and Women

off-the-mark-on-men-vs_-women“He should just KNOW what I want if he loves me,” she exclaims.

“I TRY to solve her problems, but she gets mad when she’s upset and I give her advice,” he declares.

And both of them think they are right. And both of them have a right to see it that way.

And both of them would be wise to learn to see it from another point of view.

Individuality notwithstanding, the stereotypes are somewhat borne out by research: men are generally problem solvers and women generally want intuitive, compassionate responses. To put it another way, when we approach our partner with a problem, we Continue reading