As Christmas draws closer the frantic pace of holiday season always seems to ramp up even more. I know my schedule never seems to slow down during this time. If I’m not careful my favorite time of the year will fly by and I’ll have hardly taken a step back to take it in and enjoy it. There are so many parties to attend, so many gifts to buy and wrap, so many decorations to pull out, dust off and put up around the house. Not to mention getting the Christmas cards in the mail, and ordering those last minute gifts that you pray will make it in on time. Whew, that’s exhausting! Rather than getting lost and missing out on the joy of the season, I want to challenge us to practice a very controversial and dangerous word…NO.
Like the anti-drug ads, “Just Say No!”
Isn’t it ironic that it’s one of the first words we learn as children. Kids say to “no” to everything, it’s practically their mantra. It’s their way of asserting their will and their independence. Yet, somehow as we grow into adults we learn that saying “no” is a bad thing, it becomes attached to feelings of guilt or insecurity. When was the last time you said “no” to something someone asked you to do? Did you feel guilty or feel the need to explain yourself?
Saying “No” is not a bad thing, it’s setting boundaries for yourself. Sometimes it’s the best thing I can do, not only for myself but also for my friends and family. One evening Michael and I grabbed a quick cup of coffee with some friends, just to catch up for a few minutes. Afterwards we planned to go on a date, because I was leaving for a trip the next morning. While having coffee, our friends mentioned a new movie we were all interested in seeing. Before for I could say anything, Michael was buying all of our movie tickets. I didn’t really want to go. I wanted to spend some quality time with him before I left for my trip. Rather than saying “No. Wait, we are supposed to go on a date…just the two of us.” I said nothing and went along to the movie. I didn’t disagree because I felt bad. I couldn’t enjoy the movie, much less, time with my husband or our friends. I was feeling resentful that we didn’t have our date. Michael and I had a very tense night ahead. Our romantic evening was slipping further away. Michael could feel my resentment, which we had to talk through once we got home. After the bitterness subsided, I realized a lot of the frustration we were feeling could have been avoided if I had just said, “No.” That little word would have likely changed the entire evening. Michael and I would have had our date, our friends would have been understanding (if not they’re not very good friends… but that’s another blog!), and I would have likely not been taken hostage by resentment.
Saying “no” can seem scary. It may feel like you’re rejecting something or someone, but that is not true. It’s ok to say “No,” when you are protecting yourself and your relationships. Ok, let’s practice! Here are some holiday specific ways to say “No” : “No…I don’t have the time to cook the entire Christmas dinner. Who else could help make some side dishes?” “No…we can’t make the party this weekend. Thanks for the invitation.” “No…that sounds like a great charity to contribute to. We’ll have to consider them when we make our budget next year. “No…It’s kind of you to offer, but we want to wake up in our own bed on Christmas morning.”
Protect yourself this year and practice Holiday tip #4, Just Say No!!
Tiffany & Michael
